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I paint the bath red
April 25. Bought two tins of this new ‘wonder paint’ Pinkford's Enamel (red) on my way home. After tea I went into the garden and painted some flowerpots. Called out to Carrie, who said: ‘You've always got some new-fangled craze.’ She did agree, though, that the flowerpots looked remarkably good. Went upstairs into bedroom of Sarah, our servant. Painted her washstand, April 26. --Got some more red enamel paint (red, for me, is the best colour), and painted the coal-scuttle. I also painted the backs of our ‘Collected Shakespeare’. April 27. --Painted the bath red, and was delighted with the result. Sorry to say Carrie was not so pleased. In fact we had a few words about it. ‘You should have asked me first,’ she said. ‘I have never heard of anyone painting their bath red.’ April 28. -- Went home early and bought some more enamel paint -blank this time. I spent the evening painting an old pair of boots. Made them look as good as new. I also painted my friend Gowing's walking stick, which he left behind last night. April 29, Sunday. --Woke up with a terrible headache and strong symptoms of a cold. Carrie said, ‘That’s because you’ve spent the last few days with your nose over a paint-pot.’ I said, ‘I think I know what is wrong with me better than you do. I have a cold and I need a hot bath to cure it.’ I filled the bath with boiling water. It was VERY hot but I got in. I lay still for some time. On moving my hand above the surface of the water I experienced the greatest fright of my life. Imagine my horror on discovering my hand full of blood! Then I saw that it was not blood, but red paint. The Pinkford's Enamel had dissolved in the boiling water. I stepped out of the bath, red from head to toe. I decided not to say a word to Carrie, but to tell Mr Farmerson to come on Monday and paint the bath white. For the full, unsimplified, original version of 'Diary of a Nobody click here
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